Hello again.
It's been quite a while since I updated my blog. It's mainly because I started working full-time.
Also because I needed to mentally prepare myself for tackling the rest of this book. It makes me seethe. Especially when I see its disgusting cover, knowing what lies beneath, almost every day on television shows. And when it's not shown, it's talked about.
Not even Twilight garnered this much attention. I suppose that shows that there is a lack of sexual freedom in the world right now, at least in America, but I'm not exactly sure about the accuracy of that statement.
I should start talking about the second chapter now...I really should. But I don't want to. I don't want to revisit it.
I'm going to go buy some penetrating oil for my car instead....
I'm back. That was refreshing. Nothing like manual labor in 90 degree weather to take your mind away from the x-rated fantasies of a middle-aged woman.
Onward!
I am being nit-picky here, and I know it, but "immaculate sandstone floor." Really? Why not just say sandstone floor? Does it have to be immaculate? Which, before I continue, immaculate: 1) Having no stain or blemish 2) Containing no flaw or error 3) Spotlessly clean. If this place is as important of a company as I'm led to believe it is, the immaculate is understood. You don't walk into a 5-star hotel, look at the floor, and see blemishes. But you don't comment on it either, it just is. If they are professional and have the money, the floors will look good. Period.
Next part I take issue with: "No man has ever affected me the way Christian Grey has, and I cannot fathom why. Is it his looks? His civility?"
...what civility? Frankly, I am not a big believer in the whole "he took my breath away when I first saw him"-thing. It's never happened to me upon first meeting a person. It hasn't happened to anyone I know (that I am aware of). People are good looking, yeah, but they haven't stunned me into submission in that I carry on an internal dialogue talking about how he affected me. But yes, civility. He had none, from what I could tell. Scratch that. He had professional civility at first. Just like any other professional person. That was not special. The only "special" thing about him was his creepy interest in the heroine's life, which came out of nowhere and was very disturbing. Moving on.
"My heart steadies to its regular rhythm." You went on an elevator ride, which was over 5 floors long, have walked out, and your heart has still not returned to a normal beat? I'm sorry, what is wrong with you? You didn't run anywhere, so the only reasons why your heart would be beating fast would be that you are horny as all hell and need to screw something or your fight-or-flight instinct is kicking in because Grey is a psycho who you subconsciously know you flee from forever. How do you not recognize this?
She then talks about Grey's good points and bad points. She calls him arrogant. Why she would first state that he was incredibly civil and then call him arrogant is beyond me, but I'm not writing this stupid book. And then comes the blonde hate again! "Again, I'm irritated that Kate didn't give me a brief biography." You had some time, use google and find him yourself. You have the tools for success!
Scratch that. This female is completely idiotic and probably couldn't find her way out of a corn maze.
Then she angsts about the questions. Because you don't know what you are asking when you read a piece of paper. GASP! So she blames her roommate some more. Poor Kate, I like you very much right now just to spite the hatred that Ana is heaping on you.
She then talks about how she is driving slowly because Grey told her to drive carefully. Dumb-dumb, listen. Driving carefully does not equate to driving slowly. Driving slowly is actually more dangerous on highways because it slows everyone else down. Stupid girl. Then she says something completely out-of-whack and is a throwback to her Twilight days: "Grey's more like a man twice his age." Gag me. Grey did nothing to suggest life-maturity. He said drive carefully. That's what people say to others when they know they have a drive ahead of them. Common sense, Ana, common sense.
Now comes the passage that cements my dislike for the writer's premise for the whole meeting. Remember, this is about a girl who was supposed to be so laid up with influenza that she couldn't bear to go to the interview of her life.
""Ana! You're back." Kate sits in our living area, surrounded by books. She's clearly been studying for finals-she's still in her pink flannel pajamas decorated with cute little rabbits, the ones she reserves for the aftermath of breaking up with boyfriends, for assorted illnesses, and for general moody depression. She bounds up to me and hugs me hard."
This girl has the flu? It's like the author has never had the flu before; if this girl was that sick she would not be out of bed, she would not be able to study, and she would definitely not be able to bound up to someone. Frankly, it sounds like she had a stuffy nose and bitched and Ana wanted an excuse to hate on her and complain about her and said "I'll do it!" cheerfully and then whines later.
And I know people who pull this shit, it's freaking annoying as all hell.
Then it goes to Ana's passive-aggressive hissy fit about Kate not giving her a bio. DO YOUR OWN RESEARCH. You know this guy is big, god, he is the benefactor of your school. Are you physically able to do nothing for yourself? I want to kick you Ana, so hard, right now. Gah!
Ana goes to work, comes back, and then Kate bombards her with questions so that we fully understand that Grey is so "good-looking my panties can't even handle it!" and was "totally interested in Ana, so much. Oh my god, Ana, why didn't you just screw on the table with him? You were there long enough for a quickie!". Those are not quotes from the book, but the way this is written just...kill me now. Oh! And then we get this little statement:
""You, fascinated by a man? That's a first," she snorts."
Nope, Ana has been driven by vaginas all her life. This is the first penis that is so small she can pretend it isn't there.
Then Ana dreams about Grey, GASP! Symbolic dreams because he is the love of her life, but there is obviously something mysterious and dark about him. Gag.
And then she calls her mother and step-father. And Ray, the stereotypical man's man (he watches sports on TV, goes bowling/fishing, and is into furniture), is apparently the only reason Ana knows the difference between a hawk and a handsaw. See?
How is this girl in college, how is she in society? She should have a live-in caretaker for the mentally handicapped if she is unaware of the difference between a bird and a metal, lifeless, tool.
More talk of literary male heart-throbs (
Oh, and just to point out, Grey is not like literary heroes. He's a pig so far.
Just saying.
Oh, oh, oh! And then we get to my favorite part of the chapter. Ana's at her job, right, and get this, GREY SHOWS UP!
Fucking stalker.
GOD~ THIS IS NOT ROMANTIC. This is the shit that Twilight has brought about. Females should not be lusting after men who stalk them, who find out the places they work and go visit them after one meeting. And it was a creep-tastic meeting as well. And his excuse for being at the store: "I was in the area-I need to stock up on a few things." Because the city where he lives obviously wouldn't have any stores that have what he needs. His voice is described as husky when he meets her again as well.
If some guy I met once, days ago, greeted me with a husky voice, he'd either get the cold-shoulder, the middle-finger salute, or a punch in the face. That crap doesn't fly with me. And no self-respecting woman should allow a man who acts/talks like that to be around her.
And she repeats her first name at him after he calls her "Miss Steele." He knew your name. He called you your name at the end of the last chapter DingDong.
And now the only thing I can think of is Miss Steele from Sense and Sensibility. Now, that's a good book.
She's showing him around the store, helping him find some things and what do you know...another flowery description pops up! "...gesturing with his long-fingered, beautifully manicured hand." Yeah, I rolled my eyes too. Definitely no reason to suspect he's gay. Not that straight guys can't have manicures, because they can, but I don't know many who would spend that kind of time doing that. I mean, hell, even I don't get my hands manicured because I don't see the point.
Another insult to our intelligence comes when she starts to rant on about how it's impossible that he would be here to see her, that he would stalk her to the store where she works because she is so fucking ordinary. We know he came there to see you. No one believes the shit that she was "just in the area, and oh! Look! There's a little local store that probably has some things that I 'need'." And I hate when heroines talk about how "ordinary" they are and not as attractive as others, and yet they have freaking guys all over them! For fuck's sake. If you were that ordinary, you wouldn't have male interests wanting to get into your pants. Fuck.
And she blushes again. What does she blush at? Her wayward thoughts. She blushed at chiding herself for thinking he was there to see her after he tells her that he's visiting WSU for research. I don't know why she would blush, she never actually said to him that he would be there visiting her. No embarrassment necessary.
I wish I didn't have to go to work soon, I would start a drinking game.
And then we get his greatness shoved in our face again when Ana says "All part of your feed-the-world plan?"
NO. IT'S NOT PART OF HIS PLAN BECAUSE HE NEVER ACTUALLY SAID HE WANTED TO FEED THE WORLD. YOU MADE THAT UP YOU STUPID TWIT~!
IhatethisbookIhatethisbookIhatethisbook
She blushes, yet again after he asks her in a low, deep voice, how long she's been working at the store.
And I think Grey has one of those gag jokes hidden somewhere because he brushes her fingers with this and she gets shocked. Wouldn't that be funny?
Oh yeah, the worst part about this?
She gets turned on just by having her fingers touched. Girl has some serious issues.
Then, literally, we get this excerpt, I am highlighting what I need to:
""Anything else?" My voice is husky and breathy. His eyes widen slightly.
"Some rope, I think." His voice mirrors mine, husky.
"This way." I duck my head down to hide my recurring blush and move toward the aisle."
Apparently, the word aroused does not exist for the author and the girl has some serious blood problems considering she was just blushing, and then she blushes again. Does her blush just pop-in "HELLO!" and then pop-out magically? Have you ever had a blush author? They don't appear that easily nor disappear that quickly.
And I'm trying to picture this seen in my head, but the only thing is looks like is some cheesey soap-opera. Yeah, definitely deserves the name mommy-porn. This does not deserve film rights, this does not deserve literary achievements, and this author should not be called influential.
And his eyes darken! Sorry, but eyes don't dark. Your lids may close to provide a shadow, but the eyes never darken. Especially not in a quick moment. I don't want to rant about this, I don't. It's just making me annoyed and disgusted and pissed-off and I have to go to work with children and smile and be happy, but I want to finish this chapter right now. Moving on.
He wants to know what her thing is. Second time meeting this guy and her brain screams out "You are my thing!" Because that's intelligently what happens. And then she says books. Mainly classics-British Literature. Why hello, Bella Swan, so nice to see you again!
Next, he asks about the newspaper article. Which he knows she isn't writing, but asks her how it is going anyway. And her roommate is the editor of the newspaper. Which, I know that they write articles too, but usually they have smaller ones (that I know of), not a huge article like this. Ergh, this is screwing with my brain.
And she is surprised he would do a photoshoot for the newspaper, for the article that is about him, for the school that he gives money to. This is common sense, Ana! Of course he'd be willing to either give Kate some photos or have some taken of him. It wouldn't make any sense for him to do the article, but not be willing to give photographs.
Oh, and by the way, he says he's free tomorrow.
Nice job in making it seem like he's so busy that it took months to get the interview schedule and that there was no possible way that he would be free enough to reschedule the interview. Dumb shits.
Then Grey gets all pissy because one of Ana's co-workers that she's known for a while one-arm hugs her. No man should touch what Grey has marked as his territory, stupid boy. And Paul gets all full of himself too and basically states that he's pissed on this girl too. Yeah, you are so ordinary Ana. Until Paul hears that this guy is a rich dude. Then he's full of ass-kissing wonderment.
She's rendered speechless by him, in a completely normal voice, confirming that she'll call him if they can schedule the photoshoot.
Then he says he's glad Kate couldn't do the interview. Nice guy right there. "I'm so glad your roommate got the flu and felt so sick she couldn't make the interview of her life so far. I mean, it just makes me so happy! I met you and you're such a special butterfly and I have to show you that because you refuse to believe it!"
Makes me sick.
That was Chapter Two. I'm hoping that the next chapter will be a little better for me because that one really made me want to go punch trees. And the trees don't deserve the pain.
Until then.
Best wishes,
~Sunshine
No comments:
Post a Comment